Please Don't Stay

I'm about to delve into my first serious subject of this blog - a subject that is very close to my heart.

Domestic violence is a very real issue today, all over the world. There is not a single person here who does not know someone who has been affected by domestic violence. 

My mother, who is my best friend and absolute hero, was raised in a violent household. Her father, who, in the last years of his life, was diagnosed serious mental disorders, abused her, her brothers, and her mother physically, verbally, and emotionally. She grew up in complete terror of the man who raised her. 

In most situations, this story would be a tragedy. Family violence creates a horrific cycle that seeps down generation after generation like a wretched poison, eating away at the love a family should have. As seen in the video, many abused children later become the very abusers that haunted their childhoods. For many tragic and complex reasons, they continue these patterns,  ending with countless broken families and broken people. 

But my mother decided from early on that this was not going to be her story. She refused to carry on the cycle of violence and pain. She chose to not stay in the cycle of violence, but to get out, seek help, find faith, and teach others to do the same. She saw therapists, examined all of the deep-seated emotional issues that her childhood created, looked at her past honestly, and began the slow process of forgiveness.  She learned to turn to faith, to loved ones, and to the strongest part of herself when she needed help, instead of giving in to addiction and hurt. As a parent, she worked every day not to continue the patterns of her father -stepping out of a room instead of screaming, taking time for herself, examining her behavior in every moment to make sure she did not slip into a destructive mindset. She realized that she was worth more than to be abused. Her work is not over - she still strives to improve as a parent, a friend, a wife, and an individual. And she is an example to all those around her to do the same.

 

 We all have this same power, the same inner strength to decide how we will lead our lives. But it is terrifying to leave. My grandmother stayed with an abusive husband, until the day he died. Other victims of domestic violence leave their destructive households, but stay in the patterns of abuse. Yet there are others who choose to leave and to find healthier and happier ways of living. They, like my mother, make it possible for a new generation to grow, free from abuse, hurt, and sorrow. 

So today, I ask those of you who know someone or who are yourselves affected by domestic violence - please don't stay. Don't stay in these patterns, in the ways of the past. Instead, choose to let go, seek help, and move on. For yourselves, for your loved ones, and for the next generation, write a new ending to your story.

X-Aleah

PS - please check out my mother's website and her book, High Desert! She is a gifted writer, her book is beyond inspiring, and her website has several articles about the issue of domestic violence.